Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
