I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
