I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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