end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
tell me about the eggs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
