soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
