I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
