I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
