i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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