I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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