I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize