there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
