so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
