How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
