That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
