I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
