I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
