You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
