She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
