I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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