She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
