You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
