whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
