So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
are you so shy because you have an std?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
