He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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