I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize