some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
