You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i drank out of a bidet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
