i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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