So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
