2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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