bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
