dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize