yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
