Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
