You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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