Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
