Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is the high leading the old right now
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The air taste purple.
Randomize