My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
