U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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