Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hippo gnu deer
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
