who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
