I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
