I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
