I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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