physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
