I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize