and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
