i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
