Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
