weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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