but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
