Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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