i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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