I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
