I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I want a musical about memes.
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