the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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