well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
