a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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