I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think i have two assholes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
