Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
