Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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