He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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