this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize