I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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