I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize