It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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