Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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