you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
