Im at strip club and am horny
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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