How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
