why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
