Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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