i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize