Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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