We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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