I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize