I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
