Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
