In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
