wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
