I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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