I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
