oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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