blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
