you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
