if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
