Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
