Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
