Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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