Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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