I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
