Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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