I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
