he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
