If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
this just has baby written all over it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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