It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
