there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
