you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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