i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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