if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize