worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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