Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
