if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
no you cant smoke seaweed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
