Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
