i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
