Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
