I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
