I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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