You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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