Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
