How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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