I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
