dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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