i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I AM VODKA MAN
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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