Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
