She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
