he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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