Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
